File cleaning

I started cleaning out my files as part of my effort to pack my office. I have kept very neat and organized files since high school (maybe even middle school?), but I'm always amazed on the occasions I have to sort through them just how much can be chucked. It makes me feel kind of like a hoarder.

From my extensive viewing of television programs about hoarders, I have identified several factors that often converge in hoarders:

• Compulsive acquisition, from shopping, dumpster diving, or theft.
• Chronic disorganization -- an inability to sort, categorize, or even identify clear and obvious trash.
• Inability to get rid of stuff, either stemming from the disorganization above, tendency to assign tremendous meaning to objects, and/or paralyzing fear that the object might be useful or necessary sometime in the future.

Fortunately, I am not much of a compulsive acquirer of paper, in the sense that I don't print too many things unless the printed version will be vastly easier to use for a given task. I printed all the readings for my class because when I'm putting together a lecture from materials across articles, it's easier to have them all on the desk open to various pages. I guess it was no surprise then that these articles gave me the greatest pause -- in one sense, I didn't need them because I have them in pdf, and I'm not going to be giving lectures anytime soon. However, I had done a fair bit of underlining in them. And I might teach a class someday. But by then I will probably want new articles in a lot of cases. So I left them in folders for the next person, with a note to alert me if he or she intends to toss them, to at least give me one last opportunity to keep them (although I'll probably just say toss).

I am a bit of a compulsive filer, however, in that once a paper does exist, I'm pretty likely to file it if there's a chance I'll need it at all in the future.

I am extremely organized, as indicated by my awesome filers. I love sorting and labeling!

On the inability to get rid of stuff front, as noted above, potential usefulness can sometimes give me pause. What makes hoarding so insidious is that many of the decision processes are not wholly wrong -- they're based in something rational that just goes off the rails a bit. Usefulness is a wonderful criteria for deciding what to keep. But the line can't be drawn at "could be useful to someone at some time in the future under some kind of conditions that have more than a zero probability of existing." It has to be based on a realistic likelihood. So you have to purge the 4 sizes too small pants when it's pretty likely that even if you lose weight, it won't be until those pants are out of style. I had to purge things that I know I have on my computer, and while these copies might have notes on them (homeworks fall into this category), I'm unlikely to dig out the hard copy over firing up the electronic version.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a laptop my first year of graduate school, so I have a lot of printed articles and lectures from that year. This was useful when I was teaching, however, because I used a lot of my first year grad courses as material for my lectures.

The process of chucking stuff involves a lot of rapid decision making, which is tiring no matter what (and why Hoarders in particular evokes a lot of drama, because it's impossible to clear an entire house in two days without bypassing the main decision maker, who is at their limit. Hoarding: Buried Alive is a lot more responsible and realistic -- and boring -- because they clean over the span of months). I finished my main filing cabinet, and I have a whole nother filing cabinet to do next week. One whole drawer will be tossed because it's my dissertation data, and it's past the expiration date for that stuff to be kept. I have some limited files from grad school and even college that will be more purgeable now that a few more years have passed since my last sort.

But then all that stuff comes home, and I'm kind of wondering if I should go through my files here!

Sitting room

Thanksgiving was good. Wednesday we did things around the house. We drove up Thursday morning and came back Saturday morning. Saturday we finally found a place with decent fireplace stuff and we got a hearth rug, a thing to hold wood indoors, and a tool set.

When we put it in front of the fireplace, it looked so nice and cozy! This lead to much pondering about what to do with the space. It could easily be an eat-in kitchen with just a table. But it was labeled as a "sitting room" on the real estate listing, and now we see why perhaps that was the case. It would be nice with some seating and a TV and a lamp, especially in the winter when we'd like to sit in front of the fireplace all night. But then where do we eat? Maybe a high table or island/counter to separate it more from the kitchen?


These photos from before we move in illustrate the space (currently the part in front of the fireplace has a card table and canvas folding chairs).

We are still pondering, but the fun thing about being fiscally conservative is that every new thing makes the house look more like a real person house and brings great enjoyment little by little!

Thanksgiving!

My vacation started yesterday -- the only reason I went in Monday was to give a lecture. Today Joey is also at home (although not at the moment... he's gone to get a haircut with the groupon I bought him), and we're just doing stuff around the house. We contemplated going up to the Jerz today, but there's plenty to do around here and driving up tomorrow morning will be easier. This morning there would have been commuter traffic along with travel traffic and we would have had to have left very early. Last year we left at 4am or so Thursday morning, and there was no traffic at all. We might allow an hour or two more sleep this year because I think things are fine until the afternoon when people are making shorter trips for dinner.

Pretty much every retailer who sends me emails or fliers has deemed that tomorrow is a good day to be open. I predict in the next 5 years that stores will be open 24 hours starting on Wednesday on through the weekend. We'll probably hit the outlets Friday night for a few clothes, but other than that we're staying away. Although I do have to go to bridesmaid dress fitting sometime Friday in Pennsylvania. Thrills.

We'll probably come back Saturday, maybe at night. It's nice to be able to have a day at home before a big day at work on Monday.

I'm looking out my office window into the backyard, our backyard, of the house we live in together. This year I decided what I wanted and went out and got it despite all the anxieties it provoked (and provokes still). It's good to be young. It's good to eat at a card table in captain's chairs until we figure out what we want and have the money saved. It's good to take a leap. It's good to be together.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I said, how about this too, and they said yes, and I said yes.

Three weeks of discomfort, two weeks of vacation, a new year with new things.

Not yet

I said, I don't think I can, and they said, maybe this? And I say, hmmm, maybe.

Either way, I'm taking most of this week off to not think much about anything.

Shifts

Thursday the plumber came. He said that the leak is coming through the tile, and it seems like maybe the whole shower will need to be ripped out just to figure out where the water is coming from. It's a huge pain, but I guess that's why we save our money so these things are easily paid for (although still painful). Now we just need to find someone to deal with the shower, and we are using the other one. It's like moving all over again to use a shower we never use.

Thursday I got a paper accepted. I got phone call about people liking me, but the people are far away. I went to work Friday. I took off yesterday. I visited the people, but they are too far away to visit regularly. Transit is meant to move people from the suburbs to downtown and back, not from suburb to suburb. That task is left to the roads, which are parking lots.

On my way home I stopped at Metro Center (Metro Center! All the way downtown and only halfway home!) for Five Guys. My head hurt. It was too full.

I had to sleep. I was aflurry this morning. I wrote it out. I realized about the farness. I wrote to people who were closer who I hope will like me. I have to call the faraway people back, but it's hard to tell people you like them too but they are just very far away. It's hard to say no to people who like you. It's hard to wait for closer people to like you. It's hard to wait when you're ready.

Ups

Last week: minor headaches pretty much all the time. This week: inattentive, unmotivated, foggy. Time to get another thyroid update.

Last night we watched "Dogs Decoded" on NOVA. It was awesome, but it made me want a doggie sooooo much and I bothered Joey like a little kid. We're probably too busy to have a dog right now, since we just got this house, but this does not prevent me from wanting a furry creature.

Feds have tomorrow off for Veterans Day, and I'm also taking Friday off. We have plumbers coming tomorrow because there is a leak somewhere above the living room that dripped through Sunday, but has shown no more dripping since. It will probably be a small issue, but better to deal with it before it becomes a huge issue. I think two four-day weekends in a month is about 50% correct.

Joey and I went on our first date four years ago today!

Checking things off the list

1) Got a flu shot.

2) Resubmitted paper (2 weeks after I would have if it were only up to me, but things have to go through the co-author carousel).

Something I failed to check off the list was refilling my mini bottle of Advil that I keep in my bag, which was a mistake.

Friend of the project

A while ago I read the obituary of a communication professor in which the author recounts a story from "a talk we had early in my doctoral student career after his work had been publicly criticized in one of our journals. I asked him how a scholar handles harsh criticism. Dr. Bormann replied that he appreciated criticism when it came from a "friend of the project." He went on to explain that a "friend of the project" is motivated to make the work the best it could be, rather than self-aggrandize."

This notion encapsulated for me both what was so helpful about good reviews and so noxious about bad ones. Since then I've definitely tried to incorporate this principle in my reviewing and grading, with what I perceive to be success. But it recently occurs to me that this is a principle that is worth extending to other aspects of life as a sort of test. My friend Storey has written extensively in the past about writing openly about his life, which includes his interactions with other people. Over time in my own public writing, as I think happens to a lot of bloggers, I've excised a lot of personal stuff as the audience has gotten more potentially diffuse. But I also edit in memory of a cringeworthy episode of internet sniping that I ended up excising because I was just angry. Although, oddly enough, that whole episode was about failure of openness and honesty that instead left me feeling helpless and that completely resolved once honesty was restored (in ways I hadn't even anticipated).

So I guess I'm pondering where the line should be for openness and honesty with other people in our lives, particularly when there is a public aspect that is not mutually consensual. Storey's probably not surprised to hear I'm not sure which side of the line he falls on -- from the viewer's perspective, I think it's obvious that details are more interesting than "keepin' it cryptic," but that's only tangential to the question. So I guess I return to the standard of "friend of the project" -- is the openness and honesty serving to move people and relationships forward? Sort of like, I like or love you enough to be honest with you and about you. Or is it serving some internal emotional need or some need to score points? In my cringeworthy episode, I settled on the latter assessment -- I wasn't doing anyone any favors by sniping on my webpage, and the result was unkind. I don't think I was exactly enlightening the reader either.

And I'm not sure these motivations are mutually exclusive, just as I don't think there is a bright line between helping someone with their writing or research and tooting your own horn a bit. I have to think I'm awesome enough to give you suggestions about what to do with your project that you've been working on and I'm just dabbling in long enough to critique you. Talking openly about one's life is vastly less compelling when life is boring and peachy and your mind is not in a whirl. It's possible to be open and honest in a way that accomplishes noble goals while fulfilling internal needs. Which I guess is what makes the line so blurry.

Taking a step in a related direction, I think this is a good standard for daily communication, and it's a standard I fail at far too often. It's so easy to get to point counting and feeling wounded. It's hard to focus on the project -- which I guess is how we got to this discussion in the first place.

Managing pain

Working from home is the only way to deal with having a mild cold and trying to respond to comments... I manage to make a few edits, and then I have to clean the toilet or some other less noxious task.

Also, no one ever suggests cuts, just additions, leaving it to you to divine what you can trim to get the paper back to the word limit.

R&R

Finally got the review! I got the much heralded revise and resubmit decision, and reviews ranging from enthusiastic to grumpy. But grumpy comments are so much less annoying when they accompany and R&R instead of a rejection!

It is kind of amazing how I got three very detailed reviews on my previous rejection, and yet the new reviews have new issues! That are valid issues, but, damn.

Last squeeze

Only 27 words! Editing kills passive voice, but also a few points I wanted to make,

The other paper

The good: They are interested in publishing it as a short report.

The less good: This requires cutting 1200 words to get it to 2000 words.

The even less good: That probably means cutting a lot of stuff I added on the revision, which means it would have been nice to have been given this option before then!

Back to the good: This paper has a high likelihood of finally getting into print after appearing at a conference, oh, five years ago.

Lesson: Work faster, kids. Don't let things sit on anyone's desk.

Waiting

Dear third reviewer,

Please submit your review. Two others have already submitted their reviews, and you are holding up the process. YOU ARE MAKING LIFE MISERABLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

Thanks,

A

Weekend plans

On the docket (although not entirely on my docket):

Kitchen: Dishes, counters, sweep floor

Clean master bath sink/counters

Change sheets

Laundry

Farmstand/Groceries

Update finances in Quicken

Garage trim: scrape/strip, caulk, paint

Hang curtains in the living room

Catch up DVR, watch football

Work on Joey's Xmas stocking

500 a day

So, I'm in this class on multiple imputation in Stata today (yesterday was part I), and it's a little slow. I have a hard time with these computer-based classes because I'm always fast to catch on, but I still take them because I need that initial information on how to get started. So now I feel like I know how to use these commands, but I'm also more convinced than ever that they're more trouble than they're worth and that it's just better to do complete cases analysis.

Anyway...

Recently I had the humiliating experience of applying for life insurance. It wouldn't have been so bad, but it forced me to deal with the fact that I am TOO FAT, and it also maybe let someone else in on that secret, and I had managed for a while to keep that person in the dark much to his ongoing unfulfilled curiosity. So the current goal is to reverse the curse and lose a pound a week, which works out to a 500 calorie deficit a day, which is actually fairly decent.

Mapping out how long it will take me to reach certain goals is a little disheartening, but I'm just trying to think about it like I think about money. It's also a little disheartening to see how long it will take to get to our liquid savings goals, pay off students loans, be able to deck out the house the way we want while keeping up with maintenance, etc., but it's not like there is a realistically faster way to do it, and giving up because of that won't get you there any faster. Having some discipline makes a notable dent in these goals.

Likewise, the last week or so, having some discipline to get to 500 has made a measurable dent. 500 is a very manageable amount. It's pretty easy to get 250 calories worth of exercise in, and it's pretty trivial to cut 250 calories out of food intake. It's also small enough that considering temptations provide a very clear visual of a huge chunk of that 500 getting knocked out.

In terms of exercise, I generally manage to get up early 2-3 times per week to sleepwalk on the elliptical bike. I got a power adapter for it so that it can kick my ass in a variety of exciting ways, and now it also plays my iPod. I turn out the lights and drowse out to whatever music floats my boat that particular day, and as the resistance increases, I just go slower and pretend that I'm swimming through increasingly-dense goo. I probably look insane, which is why I need an elliptical in the safety of my home. Once the half hour is over, I'm relatively awake. It's light outside by the time I'm done, although that will be decreasingly the case. It's not a bad start to the day, but I don't think it provides me with a notable boost of energy throughout the day.

But I only get up early if I get to bed early enough (and don't have to leave early to go downtown, like I had to today and yesterday) because, let's face it, sleep is more important than exercise in the morning. There is a clear dose-response relationship between sleep and energy/happiness for me.

On the weekend, there is lots to do around the house. Two weekends ago I sawed a tree branch into firewood, clipped some bushes, and weeded a flower bed. Last weekend I scraped paint. I find this sort of physical activity to be very pleasing because there is obvious visual accomplishment.

I also like walking with Joey after dinner, although this only seems to happen in fits and starts when the weather is nice. There is the complication of dinner digestion that makes the timing less than optimal, but moving around in the evening is easiest because body temperature is highest that time of day.

Foodwise I'm just trying to 1) bring lunch and not be an idiot if I happen to get lunch from the cafeteria; 2) reduce alcohol consumption; 3) reduce nighttime chocolate milk consumption to not every night; 4) not eat things that don't excite me just because they're in front of me, especially lousy bread products.

We'll see how it goes.

Conditions

When it's all said and done, maybe I'll post about our house saga, although it occurred to me that talking about house stuff is kind of like talking about medical stuff -- it's only really interesting to the person going through it and possibly to others going through the same thing who want to commiserate.

Denver

What a blah place! All this time I was so not missing out.

This is not a commentary on the rest of Colorado, which seems to be mountainous and lovely. Although this weekend it was damn cold and dry.

The cold and dry contrasted quite shockingly with the hot mugginess still present last night when we returned at midnight.

****

I'm thinking about the Bandquet, since it's tonight and the kids are excited. Ten thousand stories beginning and ending.

Exposure therapy

At the grant workshop I went to a few weeks ago, the instructor said that when you get a grant review back and have to rewrite it, to read it, put it the drawer, read it the next day, put it back, and repeat until you stop having noxious feelings about reading the comments.

I'm not quite there yet.

I started today by making an Excel spreadsheet to put the comments and my thoughts. I got through the first reviewer's comments before I had to stop. There are a lot of different kinds of audiences in the social sciences, especially around the issue of stigma, and the first reviewer was in a different audience than I'm generally part of.

Rejection!

Aargh, getting manuscripts is soooo depressing and I'm just going to go aaaaarrrrrrgh for a little while until I get it all out and get over it and send it somewhere else. Aaaaaaarrrrrrgh.

Actually, the process for this particular journal was very efficient. The assigned editor sent a few questions for me to resolve before she sent it out for review (and even getting to review is a good sign from this journal -- they do a quick reject on stuff they're sure they don't want). From the time she sent the paper out, it only took 8 weeks for 3 reviews to come back and get assembled and sent to me. That's pretty good.

The reviews fell into 3 categories, in descending usefulness: 1) Suggestions for reorganization or clarification; 2) Comments about flaws in the study design; and 3) Suggestions for lengthy additions, even though the paper was already right at the word limit (and it's not really that kind of paper).

In the first category, it's always useful to know what doesn't make sense to other people or what is incompletely described, even if it sometimes seems like maybe people didn't read closely. If people are missing something important, it usually means the presentation can be better.

The second category is difficult, because you can't change the study design once it's done, but reviewers ought to keep deficient studies out of the literature, but not every study can be perfect. I can try to do the best job possible of hedging my conclusions and implications with a nod to the study flaws.

The third category just annoys me. Are you really asking for the intro to be as long as a dissertation chapter? Because maybe you should flip through the journal and notice that most intros are a few paragraphs, and refer to the author instructions for the word count. If I add that, what would you suggest I cut? Some suggestions in this category can be used, but a lot of them have to be ignored, because the reviewer is asking for a different paper from a different author with different skills.

I did not run into a major aggravation of these kinds of review processes, which is when some half of reviewers love the paper and think it's the seminal contribution to the field this decade and the other half just can't hate you and your stupid paper enough and they hope you find some other calling please. All three reviewers in this case settled on the same level of kindly phrased but significant disdain. And it was also clear that all three reviewers spent serious time on the paper, which I appreciate.

(WRT my last post, I did get the med bump [which is actually the start of another entire post about doctor-patient communication and clinical decision making], which is why I'm actually so glib and resilient about this rejection, instead of deeply depressed and funked out like I would have been 6 months ago. Although I reserve the right to moments of pouting/hedonistic release for the rest of the day).

Hypo

I'm beginning to suspect that I really do need an adjustment to my meds, as I'm starting to feel that haziness again.

But I feel a lot better this afternoon now that I decided to do my work standing up. I need a treadmill desk!

NJ this weekend! I'm still lobbying the boy to take Friday off so we can have an extra day.

Madness

I didn't ever get sick, but I did feel the pinnacle of a creeping crappiness that seems to be my body having adjusted to the thyroid meds and asking for seconds. We'll see what the doc says. I did manage to salvage the afternoon, but it was looking pretty dreary there for a bit. A giant coffee and chatting with a student cleared the fog enough for me to get some real work done.

Since you all provide me with ample vacation days, and the private sector so few for Joe, I have extras to take for things like HOOPS! I will be spending Thursday and Friday on an exotic vacation on my couch, with the TV and multiple computers on. Lobos don't play until 10pm Thursday, so I'll have to pace myself.

Monday at home

My pumpkin is sick. He thought he was having a case of nerves yesterday, but his interpretation of a fluttery stomach and weak knees changed when chills entered the picture. He managed to eat a few things today, as his knotted stomach loosens a bit.

I had a slight fever yesterday afternoon, but nothing has come of it so far. Who knows how long he was subclinical before all hell broke loose, however, so I won't feel in the clear until a few days go by. I opted to work from home, out of a desire to be able to pet him on the head and feed him applesauce, but also because of anxiety that I would suddenly want to die and have to take the bus home (I guess I could have driven today... not that driving and feeling like hell is so much better). I even had a dream that I was on my way to work on the J1 and started to feel crappy.

Better to work from home. It loosens things up. The only thing I really have available to work on happens to be the only thing I really ought to be working on, that I have been productively procrastinating for a while. At home, things feel more relaxed, which helps me overcome the anxious perfectionism I've been having about this paperwork, the human subjects forms for the study I want to do. I haven't worked out all the details, so every time I would go to fill out something, I would be paralyzed by all the things I don't know. In my big poofy sweatshirt at home, I feel free to put whatever crap I have in mind in the field, knowing I can come back to it later.

30

Wednesday, I took the day off, because I had to go to the MVA and renew my driver's license, and I figured I might as well enjoy the day. It was drizzly, but not that cold out. I got my number, and as I waited, I realized my license said "Sex: M." Somehow I had missed this when it was first issued and again when I got a replacement after returning from Malawi! I chalk it up to the long wait at the Baltimore MVA, when I just would want to get through the process instead of scrutinizing the information.

Now the MVA enters your social security number, so if you don't have one and try to get a renewal, too bad! I pointed out the gender error to the clerk, and the system also popped up an alert when she entered my SSN that my sex at birth did not seem to match the sex on my license. It was a relatively easy matter to return to being female in the eyes of the motor vehicle administration.

I posted on facebook that when I turned 20, most professional athletes were older than me, and now that I'm turning 30, most are younger. I had been watching the Olympics and noticing the young ages of athletes about whom the commentators were speculating would be participating in their last Olympics or maybe eking out one more. I guess maybe it's better to be considered young for one's field.

Thirty strikes me as a very adult age, no longer part of the 20s when you can run around semi-adolescent still. I guess I've already been at that life stage somewhat, but there are a few things left to attain before I really feel age appropriate. But they'll be coming soon, little by little.

Last night we tried to go to TGIFriday's for happy hour, only to find it jam packed full of people. This was shocking, but I guess we shouldn't be shocked. Everything around here is like that. Things you think couldn't possibly be appealing are crowded, and things that you actually might think people would like are completely jammed and overflowed. Joe thought about going to the new bagel shop this morning, but the thought of driving to it and trying to park and then trying to deal with all the people that would be in there was too much. He made pancakes, and they were lovely and non-aggravating.

Finally it is sunny outside and the snow has mostly melted, so we can put some things in the shed that have been hogging space in the living room. I have kind of a long list of chores for the weekend, but it seems okay.

Oh, Canada

The Dukes played in the Pacific Coast League, which, at the time, also featured teams from Edmonton and Calgary (and maybe Vancouver? says Wikipedia). As regular attenders of Duke's games in the late 1980s and 1990s, we regularly got to hear "Oh Canada" along with the US national anthem. To this day, I kind of enjoy busting it out, as it is both nostalgic and eminently more singable than our anthem.

I was hoping to catch the men's hockey final, but I promised Joe I would do the grocery shopping as he was overwhelmed with other stuff, like getting a birthday present for moi and cleaning the awful bathroom and writing a grant. I decided to go to Trader Joe's, which was a huge mistake, partly because it was so insane like everything around here, but also because they had neither appropriate linguine nor basil, making tonight's pesto dinner kind of impossible. So I also had to go to the supermarket. And I had gone to CVS beforehand to get toothpaste, because I thought that plus TJ's would be enough stops. But I could have gotten all the stuff I got there at the supermarket.

Everything is way too difficult around here. There are too many people for not enough good things.

Christmas

You know, I have heard it said that in New Mexico, if you want both red and green chile on your food, you can say "Christmas," but I'm pretty sure everyone I knew growing up would just say "both."

It has also come to my attention that people might not know you can order jarred goodness from El Pinto's website. Recently I procured the medium mix box which has red chile sauce, green chile, green chile sauce, salsa, chipotle salsa, and taco salsa. All delicious. The gringos can get most of these in mild, the brave in hot. I had never had the red chile before -- it's really good. Put it on eggs or pork or a spoon!

I'm feeling a ton better today, and since I feel so much better relative to yesterday, I FEEL GREAT! even though I probably feel worse than your average day. It's all relative. Like all the weather folks around here talking about the balmy weekend we'll have in the low 40s, even though the average this time of year is closer to 50. It's just been a lot colder out this week. Like Christmas!

Sick at home

The commute home Tuesday was hellish, leaving me standing out in the cold in Silver Spring for about 45 minutes just to get the last mile home. Yesterday and today I've been sleeping and vegging -- I wish I had this cold last week while I was already home, because I could really stand to get some work done. Joe is bringing me soup tonight. I hope I can get in tomorrow.

Discipline

I feel a cold abrewin', and my head is pretty foggy. But unlike in the past, I have gotten quite a lot done today. Both the physiological and behavioral changes I've made have given me a lot more discipline and focus to stick to the task at hand, even if I feel a little slow.

I'm now trying to apply discipline elsewhere, like to food consumption and energy expenditure. And flossing.

OPM FAIL: Commuter hell

I don't ride Metrorail, but by all accounts, it was not really ready to take hundreds of thousands of Feds and others who follow OPM snow rulings to work this morning. I got to my bus stop (sidewalks in Downtown Silver Spring were pretty good), and the J3 pulled up, which was surprising since they were only supposed to be running J2. NextBus said the J1 (much faster route to work) was coming in 8 minutes, so I decided not to take the J3.

NextBus then proceeded to show the wackiest series of arrival times for the next 40 minutes or so. 8 minutes, then 6, back to 8, 7, 6, 8, 6, 9, 7, 6, 5, 6, 5, 6, 5, 4, 5, 4, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... and then the bus (which approaches as a Z9 at the end of its run) zipped on by. Despair. But it came back around 5 minutes later. I could have ridden the long bus and gotten in around the same time (and been warmer). The bus was pretty jammed the whole way to work. Where nothing was really shoveled. The base almost never gets around to shoveling the outside sidewalk for days (good neighbors). There was a path shoveled, except there was a huge mound of snow right in the middle. Mostly I had to walk in the road. If the base can't get its act together and clear the sidewalks they should close or at least email everyone so we can opt to work from home.

After all that, I needed second breakfast, a blueberry muffin and more coffee.

It's not easy to focus this morning, but I'm sure I'll get in the swing of things. Usually we get 59 minutes off at the end of the day before a 3-day weekend, but I have a feeling that is not going to happen today. The only reason I came in was for a seminar on the new NIH grant format given by our esteemed VP for research -- it hasn't been cancelled, which is a good thing.

I wish I could be somewhere warm.

Away from work

What have I done for four days since I haven't been to work? I did do a little work, but only very little. Monday I caught up on TV (LOST!), Tuesday I cleaned, yesterday I talked on the phone to my dad and a colleague and watched LOST, and today I went grocery shopping and helped with shoveling a little. I poked around the internet for as long as I wanted. It doesn't seem like very much.

It seems like kind of a waste. I'd like to be on a beach somewhere. Hell, at this point, I'd like to sit in a restaurant somewhere. Grocery shopping didn't really cure the cabin fever.

A whole lotta snow

These are from inside this morning... with 8 hours to go on the snowstorm.

The power didn't go out all night, but right when we got up it went off for several minutes. Pepco is reporting 89K+ customers without power, and over in the Potomac zip codes there are more people without power than with it right now.




I'm concerned about the way that tree is hugging our car.

Even though it's still snowing, I'm going to head out after coffee and shovel, shovel, shovel. And try to get the snow off that tree.

Snowy snow, more than the other snows

Things in the DC area have been pretty crazy this year.

The weekend before Christmas it snowed around 16-18 inches, which was a lot. The feds shut down on the Monday, and I worked from home the Tuesday and Wednesday because I knew the sidewalks would be terrible (they were -- one friend broke his leg and a coworker broke her wrist trying to get around). Then we went off for the holiday.

Last Saturday it snowed a big fluffy icy snow that you could just push with the shovel, and Tuesday night a warmer wetter snow that melted quickly off the roads and sidewalks. But this weekend, we're in for a predicted 16-26 inches of heavy wet snow.

It hasn't arrived just yet, but we're all waiting at home or on the way home.

I have a half day today, which I'm spending at home. I haven't started it quite yet, but I have two things to do: look over a grant application for a doctoral student and submit my dissertation paper to a big name journal in my field, who I hope will not kick it back to me immediately. Although that's better than the journals that hang onto it for months before saying no.

Life has been a lot better since I had my thyroid problem identified and fixed. Days I used to spend trying to read, trying to poke at writing that needed to get done, trying to edit, I now spend pushing different projects forward. I didn't used to be able to turn to a task and spend half and hour or an hour making progress. It would take half an hour to even figure out what I was doing, and by then I was too tired to do it. You never really understand just how bad you were feeling until you feel better, and the contrast is complete.

Today I'll do those two things, and maybe by then there will be snow to shovel. Joe wants a snowblower, for his collection of outdoor toys, but I like to shovel snow, to clear the path.

Working from home

Is bad, because I spend too much of the day doing the dishes and exercising and futzing around.

Is great, because once I actually get down to business, I complete things I haven't been able to make myself focus on for months.

Home wins!

I-tee

I wish I could hug the whole country and make it better. It's not fair at all. Tragedy should spread itself out at least a little, but it always seems to strike hardest in the same places. What an awful nightmare.

I sent money to Partners in Health. It feels like so little. I wish I had a hospital boat.

Thyroxine

For a while now I had been having problems focusing on work. The structure of the end of grad school was partly to blame -- with a whole unstructured day in front of you, it's pretty easy to watch 4 West Wing episodes and think you'll still have time to work later in the day. But it became increasingly difficult to concentrate even if I was really trying. I felt foggy and stupid and lethargic, and I began to wonder if I was depressed.

I was depressed, and stupid, and lethargic, and so I went to the doc. She ordered a thyroid test, which came back borderline high on the TSH and normal on the thyroxine levels, but also a thyroid antibody test that came back positive, meaning my body is trying to take out my thyroid. I started up on thyroxine pills in mid-December and immediately felt better. It was probably a placebo effect at first, relief to know why I'd been feeling so bad. But I've continued to feel a lot clearer in the head since then.

I'd had a thyroid test years ago, but I think stupid Hopkins didn't order the antibody test. Who knows how much earlier I could have staved off these symptoms if the full round of tests had been ordered.

A

I started signing my emails as just "A" in college. It probably seemed to have some kind of stylistic motivation, but, honestly, I have the worst time typing my name. It's qwerty unfriendly. I often capitalize the second letter. For something that should have a lot of muscle memory attached to it, I sure screw it up in a lot of new ways.

Back in MD

The house is cold, but the TV is big and has football on it.

Work is tomorrow.

Also, my knees are way sore today after doing squats yesterday. Like, I can't even walk.

Worst paper ever

Every time I flip through The Trentonian I feel brain cells dying.

Once there was a way

Last year, I didn't mind so much being up in NJ for the holidays. But this year I've missed home a lot more. Even though I've had fun here.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I'm resolving to post more and play a lot more video games in 2010.

Yesterday we trekked over to Halo Farms for ice cream and came back through the rougher parts of Trenton, accidentally. We had delicious dinner at Villa Mannino, and later on proceeded to gobble up almost a whole pint of ice cream. When midnight rolled around, Joe didn't want to crack open the champagne, so we had ginger ale in champagne glasses instead. I also watched more Three Stooges yesterday than I ever had previously, and it turns out I didn't hate them!

The thing about this New Year is that it marks the occasion of me being almost 30, and given that the last decade rollover feels like yesterday, the next one will be here soon enough, and I'll be almost 40! But I'll put that aside to focus on the current day.